The Day I Decided to Be Happy

How to Truly Own Your Life
The world around us too often tells us that we are only good enough if we have achieved certain things in life. But those are just old, limiting beliefs passed down from generation to generation, placing endless pressure on people to perform.

These beliefs claim that a person is only worthy and good enough if they fulfill a certain list of expectations. And so, people continue to live according to that list, not realizing how much it keeps them unhappy, trapped in a hamster wheel of exhausting performance. Yes, I was caught in that hamster wheel myself, and from a very young age, it made me feel deeply inadequate:

Nothing in my childhood was what you would call normal. There was hurt, there were painful experiences, there were adults who struggled with alcohol, and there were foster homes that felt cold and unwelcoming. I had to grow up long before others. I often felt like a little dog left behind in a shelter, and a sense of positive self-worth was something nobody ever gave me.

Like many others who have grown up in such circumstances, I spent years struggling, feeling unworthy, not lovable, carrying panic attacks and deep fears of abandonment. Naturally, I also built high walls around myself, because no one wants to be hurt again.

On top of this, I struggled for years without knowing that I had AuDHD, which gave even more reasons for others to judge and criticize me. When I was young there was no internet, so the local library became my safe haven. There I read shelf after shelf of books, searching for little pieces of comfort in a world that had told me I was not worthy and not lovable. Of course, I struggled with building healthy relationships, and keeping a job often felt like mission impossible. When I finally received the right diagnosis, I felt a sense of relief, yet it did not make it easier to find a new job.

During the pandemic and lockdown, I was one of those who felt some relief, because as an introvert, staying at home gave me more time to rest, and for a while that felt good. But loneliness can be painful, and many men are not open to being with a woman who has no career to show off and who carries health challenges. So there I was, sitting on my couch and reflecting on my life. No career, no children, no family, no partner, nothing I could be proud of, no visible achievements. I felt like a failure in a new version of myself, a failure 2.0.

The only thing I truly had was my blog website. Yet when you are an introvert with AuDHD, marketing is not your strength, it is one of your greatest fears....

You know those moments when we become our own greatest critics? Sitting there and looking at my life, I found myself tempted to ask myself, “What is wrong with me? What did I do wrong?” Those moments can stir up frightening thoughts. I was swimming in self-doubt, because I had not reached the same milestones that many people around me seemed to have in their lives.

But then I began to see it in another way. Having a family can also be a heavy burden, with many expectations and judgments placed on you again and again. A big career is not a guarantee for happiness, it often only makes life busier and more demanding. Raising children can be exhausting and deeply challenging in countless ways. And married people or couples are not necessarily happier than singles, otherwise they would not separate a few years later.
 
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that none of these achievements would truly make me happier. Some of them might even leave me feeling more exhausted, or perhaps even more disappointed. The grass really isn’t greener on the other sides of all these gardens.  

Careful, here is the hidden key: the very belief that any of these goals would make us better people can keep us caught in a circle of suffering.

If our happiness and sense of worth depend on outer circumstances, life can feel like an exhausting, never-ending chase. We may find ourselves endlessly striving, forgetting that true peace and our worth as human beings come from within.

Because true happiness begins within our own hearts. It is a feeling we can choose, just as we can choose to focus on the good things we already have in life, instead of dwelling on what is missing. Remember, you want to step out of that hamster wheel. Yes, today is the day you can set aside that list that tells you how you must perform in life.  

Realizing that we can feel happy with less, and that our happiness does not depend on outer circumstances, is the first step toward freedom. When people define themselves solely by their titles, achievements, or performance, it can become a constant source of stress. It is important to gently let go of this limiting belief. You are worthy, lovable, and a remarkable human being, just as you are.

Consciously choosing what we focus on helps us to truly own our lives and stand firmly in our own ground. Focusing on the good things we already have helps us to feel appreciation and contentment. From there, we naturally feel happier. This allows us to be fully present, experiencing a deep, radical inner peace with ourselves.

This is how I finally reached that inner state of acceptance—accepting that my life is what it is in this moment. Acceptance is letting go, and this brings a quiet inner relief that gently turns into a feeling of peace and contentment. From this place of inner calm, I can feel happiness in the present moment. I am grateful for the peace and harmony in my life, and grateful that from this place forward, more beautiful things can enter my life, and that I can create new, joyful experiences for myself every day.

If you ever need clarity for a specific situation, feel free to reach out. We are all learning on this beautiful journey, and connecting with like-minded souls can uplift us all.

Sending you a loving hug from heart to heart, Jeanne
 
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www.jeannejess.com

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